Loser of the Week

In a week where there were so many winners, we at SJ always try to make sure we can call out those who show us that not everyone can hear their national anthem and receive shiny gold medallions. There were some of us who were born for another purpose, and that is to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves and our non-Olympian athleticism by being complete failures. This week, there was someone who wasn’t necessarily a “loser” in the traditional sense of the word. In fact, this person won his final match and “won” a Bronze Medal. But while his play was far from as bad as “King of the Hill” (seriously, who watches this and why did it go on for so many seasons?), his antics are what put him over the top for our prestigious award. So ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for none other than our new “Loser of the Week,” Mr. Ara Abrahamian!

Ara Abrahamian is a Swedish Greco-Roman wrestler (which is English for “no one gives a damn”). In his semi final bout against eventual winner Andrea Minguzzi, Abrahamian lost in a very controversial fashion. I understand the sport of Greco-Roman wrestling about as well as I understand women (so not very well), but from what it sounds like, he did get legitimately bamboozled (always makes me happy when I can find a way to fit the word “bamboozled” into anything I write). Instead of simply speaking out against FILA (the wrestling organization), Abrahamian decided to do something a little different; he decided to act like a 12 year old who had just lost a game of Madden.

During the Medal ceremonies (Abrahamian “won” bronze), Abrahamian took off his medal, placed it on the stand, and stormed off. He proceeded to shout at the judges that had wronged him, while in the process completely ignoring the fact that two others were standing proudly on the medal stand, listening to the Italian national anthem. As a result, he was stripped of his medal. Whether you think that Abrahamian was robbed or not, I think we can all agree that his actions remind us of someone we know. But who could it be? Oh, that’s right. I have a five year old cousin who always bursts out crying when she doesn’t get what she

wants. She bursts into tears and yells and shouts incoherent jargon. I used to always tell her she was acting like a baby, but now Abrahamian has completely flipped the script on human beings around the world. No longer can we get others to stop acting so immature by telling them they are acting like babies for apparently, grown men are acting the exact same way! A clever kid can seamlessly reply “well Ara Abrahamian can have a hissy fit, so why can’t I?” leaving adults as dumbfounded and speechless as Warden Samuel Norton when he discovers Andy has escaped from Shawshank Prison, left him broke, and revealed his corrupt ways to the world. Ara Abrahamian has set parenting back 10 years with his actions.

So well done Ara! Sure, you may have gotten robbed, but the best part is you will be able to tell your kids someday about how things like sportsmanship and honor are not what is important in sport. When you lose, whine about it until someone listens. Ignore the fact that the Olympic games are the most respected sporting event in the world and that their history is richer than double chocolate fudge cake (which should

Ara proves he is nothing more than a Swedish Meatball

never be consumed without at least two full glasses of milk on hand) because if you lose, it’s okay to disrespect such a spectacle. Your message is loud and clear Ara and for that, we reward you. Our fourth ever “Loser of the Week” goes to you my friend. I just hope you won’t throw this one away with disgust as well.

Explore posts in the same categories: Loser of the Week, Olympics

Tags: Andrea Minguzzi, Ara Abrahamian, controversial wrestling match, FILA, Greco-Roman wrestling, Italian wrestler, Loser of the Week, Swedish Wrestler

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