Baseball Predictions for the Final Month (American League)

Coincidentally, He Hate Me is not the only Second Jumpability writer that can peek into that crystal ball and foresee the future. I happen to have similar abilities and today you are all lucky to have me share my visions of the American League playoff race. I’m sure you’re interested to know if the Rays can keep up their tirade against baseball’s evil duo, if the White Sox and Twins will continue playing patty cake with each other and first place, or if the Angels will get bored and forget to show up to their final games of the regular season. So here they are, the final standings to decide the eventual World Series Champion (oh, the Cubs think they can win this year? Isn’t that cute…).

Baseball Predictions for the Final Month (National League)

Little known fact is that I have the ability to see the future.  Pretty cool, right?  So instead of hording this ability to myself, I am going to share it with you all (you’re all very welcome).  Why did I wait until September to reveal the division winners this year?  A great question and once I think of a good response, I will give it to you.  So without further ado, here are the teams that will make the playoffs:

Winner of the Week

This was a big week in sports, most notably featuring the 2nd and final week of the 2008 Beijing Olympics. We’ve got MLB pennant and wild card races heating up. Fantasy football, oh and the NFL, is kicking off. Several athletes stepped up to challenge for this week’s title. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh proved yet again that they rule the sand. Team USA men’s indoor volleyball won their first gold… ever (I think?). Usain Bolted to his 3rd gold medal and 3rd world record. The nation of China finished off a memorable Olympics that included a big win by the hosts in the gold medal count. But none of these did quite enough to be crowned winner of the week. After hearing about the season ending injury to Osi Umenyiora, I was ready to crown NFC East QBs as the collective Winners of the Week. They each now get to sleep a little sounder on two Saturday nights this season. But Tony Romo, Jason Campbell, and Donovan McNabb didn’t actually do anything to win this award, so not even they will be awarded this honor. So, who is the Winner of the Week?

Loser of the Week

The Olympics are over and we can all take a nice little breather (and catch up on some sleep) before the start of the NFL season.  I would love to tell you there was a sure fire loser this week as we have seen in weeks past but no Olympian really provided us much ammunition.  We considered giving it to Tyson Gay for his disappointing Olympics but who knows how healthy he really was.  The US Track & Field Team was also certainly deserving of our weekly rant for disappointing more than the last episode of “Seinfeld.”  But then this came along and all became clear.

Things I Learned Watching the Olympic Basketball Tournament

When this Olympic basketball tournament began, I thought I had it pretty much figured out.  The U.S. was still the most talented team in the world but the gap between the world and us had closed dramatically.  I knew that Carmelo Anthony was our best international palyer.  I knew that Ricky Rubio had as much second jumpability as Michael Beasley.  Then I watched pretty much every game televised during this Olympic Basketball Tournament (TIVO is a beautiful thing) and I learned that pretty much all of my assumptions were wrong.  So here is what I’ve learned from the tournament:

Ricky Rubio - I Don’t See It… Yet

Congratulations to the team saddled with perhaps the cheesiest moniker in sports today, “The Redeem Team”. They finished off the Olympics with a perfect record after a bit of a nail biter against Spain. Team USA had less of a post game working than the Chicago Bulls, and played lamer defense than you’ll see in the highest scoring Suns-Warriors games. Rudy Fernandez showed me something (including a sick dunk on Dwight Howard’s face), Pau and Marc Gasol got mostly whatever they wanted inside, JC Navarro hit more runners and tear drops than I thought possible, and Spain did a solid job hitting open shots. But in the end, Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, LeBron and co just hit too many big shots early and late. But I’ll tell you something, or someone, that didn’t impress me all that much - Ricky Rubio.

The Biggest Debate in Sports

Somebody asked me today a question that I’m not sure I have an answer to. This is a rare feat as usually I have the remarkable ability to act like I know what I’m talking about even when I don’t. It is this skill that allowed me to graduate from college. But this question was just too difficult to answer and so I felt it was only fair to bring it to the SJ community. If you could only watch one and only one sport for the rest of your life, which of the following would you choose: Speed Walking or Equestrian Dressage.

Bolt vs. Phelps: The More Impressive Feat

I think we’ve all seen enough media coverage on Michael Phelps to know that he eats as much as a liger, swims more hours in a day than most of us do in a month, and was born without a personality. We also know that he dominates in the pool. He won a record eight gold medals and as a result, will have enough money in the next year to buy a whole cupboard’s worth of chocolate chip pancakes (the man does have good taste). His accomplishments seem to have no peer. He did, after all, win more medals in a single games than any person to ever walk on Earth. But that was before Usain Bolt. Usain Bolt, a man with the flair and personality that Phelps is so lacking in, has been just as dominant as one Michael Phelps. He broke the world records in the 100 meter and 200 meter in the same Olympics for the first time since…well, since ever. No one, not even Carl Lewis, had done it before him. So call me crazy, call me anti-patriotic, call me stupid, but Usain Bolt’s accomplishments trump Phelps’ and here is why:

Punching My Ticket to Sports Hell: Michael Phelps is Overrated

That’s right. I said it. Call me a clown, unpatriotic, and a buffoon, I don’t care. The man is overrated. It is no fault of his own, so I don’t have any problems with him. His mission is simple - be the best swimmer possible. And not even I will deny that he lives up to that challenge and then some… a lot of some. But he’s overrated. This is typical for the media, they live in the moment for than a coked out day trader when the Doe is down 300 points. Despite what ESPN and TI thinks about Tiger Woods, Michael Phelps IS now. Before you blast me away in the comments, hear me out.

Fantasy Football: Wide Receiver Rankings (Part II)

We have already gone through the best 20 receivers in fantasy football. But we all know that in the fantasy world, depth is the king. So on to Part II of the receiver rankings:

Fantasy Football: Tight End Rankings

Ah, the Tight End. One-third lineman, one-third fullback, one-third receiver. So powerful, so strong, so versatile, so… frustrating to see put up consistent 4 point fantasy weeks if you missed out on the top few at the position. So, without further ado, here are the top 12 fantasy tight ends, plus a few others to fill out those bench spots.

Winner of the Week

Okay, let’s not beat around the bush here. The Winner of the Week is Michael Phelps. D’uh. This one was more obvious than the end of last season’s Entourage. Choosing Phelps for this award is like choosing a favorite at any major that a healthy Tiger is competing in. It was like picking the best summer blockbuster this year. A slam dunk, grand slam, hole in one, hail mary, golden set, cliche, cliche, cliche pick of ease. You know the story… eight races, eight golds. Most decorated Olympian ever. Participant in two of the most exciting finishes ever. Biggest breakfast ever. So congratulations, Mr. Phelps, you are Second Jumpability’s Winner of the Week for August 11-17…. although I did make five birdies on a tough course on Saturday, so it was close, bud.

Loser of the Week

In a week where there were so many winners, we at SJ always try to make sure we can call out those who show us that not everyone can hear their national anthem and receive shiny gold medallions. There were some of us who were born for another purpose, and that is to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves and our non-Olympian athleticism by being complete failures. This week, there was someone who wasn’t necessarily a “loser” in the traditional sense of the word. In fact, this person won his final match and “won” a Bronze Medal. But while his play was far from as bad as “King of the Hill” (seriously, who watches this and why did it go on for so many seasons?), his antics are what put him over the top for our prestigious award. So ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for none other than our new “Loser of the Week,” Mr. Ara Abrahamian!

Wide Receiver Rankings (Part I)

Last year, we saw wide receivers emerge as crucial cogs in a well oiled fantasy football team. For the first time since the Rocky took down the evil Russian Drago, a wide receiver finished in the top 5 overall in scoring. Now, that receiver happened to be Randy Moss in a record breaking season that may never be seen again, but still, it happened. Wide Receivers are not as important as running backs or quarterbacks, but you’re going to be hard pressed to win your fantasy league without some solid ones. So with that, let’s get into the rankings:

Seven Olympic “Sports” I Could Do Without

The Olympics are enjoyable because we get to cheer for our country as they take on the most elite athletes in the world.  Or so I thought.  Little did I know that so many useless sports exist in the Olympics.  Baseball and Softball are getting eliminated yet there are still sports that have no business on my television…ever.  Here are seven of them that I care about as much about as I care that Brett Favre ran a penalty lap (sorry New Yorkers but why you applauded him running around is as perplexing to me as the ending of “No Country for Old Men”):